Nice Guys versus Bad Boys

There's a funny video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8 about the idea that girls and women prefer "bad boys", while dating and seeking partners. The singer says that he has decided to treat his woman "like trash", even though it's not really what he wants to do.


This is very relevant to my situation, because I've always tried to be a "nice guy". My Postcard Mania campaign to find a wife specifically promotes that reality, by describing me as a nice guy.


But what does it mean to be a "nice guy", in the context of a dating relationship?


Here's what it means, to me:


When I make a promise, I try to keep it. There are extenuating circumstances that sometimes justify broken promises --- such as pledges to donate money to nonprofit groups, made prior to losing the ability to make such donations after losing one's job --- but incessantly breaking promises for frivolous reasons is despicable, in my opinion.


When a woman wants to unload on me because she's had an extremely bad day, I try to treat her as I'd want her to treat me in a similar situation. I try to offer a sympathetic ear --- although sympathy does not necessarily mean that I won't sometimes suggest that she things she might have done wrong, or how she might make things better in the future.


Here's what it most definitely does NOT mean to me:


Being a "nice guy" doesn't mean telling a woman what she clearly wants to hear, even though it's the total opposite of what one actually believes.


An extremely relevant example, for me, is anything related to the abortion issue. On that issue, my personal integrity matters a whole lot more to me than getting into any woman's pants.


To anyone reading this particular blog post, I want to say that I will be determined about my belief in the evil of abortion, until the day that I die.


I am opposed to genuine racism and sexism. I am certainly no misogynist. But there is no need to choose between women's rights and the rights of unborn children to be protected from lethal assault.


In fact, in a video entitled "Atheists Against Abortion", a woman named Ashley Sullivan points out that countries such as China --- where girls are specifically targeted for abortions --- are incredibly sexist. Regarding such "sex selection abortions", she says, "If that's not an issue for feminists, I don't know what is." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFfNUBypo2k


There are men who think that abortion is a "woman's right". Fine. You're free to date, and possibly marry, such men. I have ZERO INTEREST in ever having an erotic relationship with you.


Constantly arguing with a woman, about something that means that much to me, would make me miserable. If your idea of reforming a man is to convert him to an abortion advocate, I have these simple words of advice to you: DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.


Having said that, I will add that I think it's ridiculous when men constantly argue about everything, no matter how trivial.


Abortion is literally a "life and death issue". One's choice of restaurants is anything but a life and death issue.


I might express my preference, but it's only a preference. I'm extremely flexible about such things, provided that I have the economic ability to pay for the meals served by particular restaurants.

Regarding For Better or Worse in Relation to My Postcard

I'm currently using a direct mail postcard purchased from Postcard Mania to publicize my strong desire for a wife. That is undoubtedly a "thinking outside the box" solution to the problem of loneliness, and it may even strike a few people as desperate, so I think I need to explain that card and its contents.


The card says, "I'm looking for a Christian woman for companionship and maybe to share the rest of my life with."


I was thinking that the card used the word, "friendship", and I was a bit ambivalent about the company's choice of that word. Yes, I most certainly want a friend, if by "friend", one means "as opposed to an enemy".


The trouble is that there are books about dating which declare that it is a big mistake to allow a woman to think of one primarily as a therapist or as a friend.


Therapists are the people that their clients talk to about all of their problems, not the people those same people go to when they want to do fun things. Consequently, people find it difficult to develop passionate, amorous feelings for their therapists. Therapists who cross the line and attempt to establish erotic relationships with their patients risk being charged with malpractice. It's somewhat comparable to the way that some hypnotists have been accused of using hypnosis as a means of overriding their clients' free will so they can rape them.


The "just friends" phenomenon is a trap, for men or women who want to be seen as potential lovers. This article addresses that significant problem. It says that one wants to avoid "the friend zone" like the plague.


Women tend to think of the word "platonic" when thinking about the word "friend". Despite the modern term "friends with benefits", people do not generally have sexual intercourse with their friends, no matter how close they may be. They don't marry them.


The reason why people have traditionally taken marriage vows is that there are times in even the best marriages when people feel less than thrilled about their relationships with their spouses. OBVIOUSLY, people need to address such problems when they arise, as they almost inevitably will.


Many people say that marriage is a contract. Certainly, that's true in the legal sense. But it misses the biblical understanding of marriage. The word "covenant" comes closer to the heart of the matter. This link leads to an article called "Does Your Marriage Function As A Contract Or A Covenant?"


When people sign contracts, it's so they can protect their rights. Married people have obligations to one another, but they err when they focus on their rights. They adhere to a self-centered paradigm that has been the death of many marriages.


That said, a marriage based on concealment of unpleasant realities is bound to fail. So what would it mean for a woman to pledge "'til death do us part" to this PARTICULAR man?


It would mean that she would have to deal with the fact that I'm no longer in excellent physical condition. Not that I was ever really a jock or a stud, since I generally preferred intellectual and artistic things to athletic things! However, multiple strokes (four at last count) have pretty much guaranteed that I'll never run a marathon or play on a basketball court again.


There's nothing on the postcard designed for me that talks about my physical disability, so I'm hoping that I will have a chance to point women to this article before we ever meet for a physical date.


If she sends me an e-mail, I'll be able to send her a link to the article, and she'll have no excuse for thinking "ooh, I wasn't prepared for this" when she sees my mobility scooter for the first time.

Multiple Blogs for Different Times In Life

This blog is far from the first one I have ever created using Blogger.com. When I log in, I see all the blogs here that I created, using the same log-in information --- and I notice that one of those blogs pertained to a very desperate time in my life.


I was in Dallas, Texas. I'd traveled there out of a desire to find a solution to a problem that threatened to force me to live in Bellingham, Washington at a homeless shelter known as the Lighthouse Mission.


The overall name for that blog, which I created using public computers at the library because I'd been forced by financial need to put my own laptop computer into a pawn shop, was "A Plea for Help".


Post titles included: "About Homesharing and Housesitting"; "Stuck in Dallas"; "When It Rains, It Pours"; "Life at The Bridge"; "My Current Situation"; "Physical Problems"; "Hospital Woes"; and "Needed: A Base of Operation".


The Bridge, by the way, was the Dallas homeless shelter where I stayed during my visit.


After I returned to Bellingham, with help from Gary Clark of Monolithic Domes (my reason for going to Texas in the first place), I stopped focusing on developing that "A Plea for Help" blog.


I still struggled with homelessness, however, causing me to spend about 9 months of my life in the homeless shelter called The Lighthouse Mission.


I don't know whether or not my attempt to find a woman of my own, via postcard marketing provided by Postcard Mania, will succeed in achieving goals that were largely clarified during that horrible period of homelessness.


However, any woman worthy of a relationship with me will need to understand that I did not emerge unscathed from that time in my life. She may not be able to totally relate, but I hope sincerely that she will understand that I will always have psychic scars, to some extent, as a result of that humiliation --- which I believe would have been unnecessary if people calling themselves "Christians" in this town had acted as if they actually believed in the Golden Rule.


Because I have always strongly believed in that Golden Rule, I have always endeavored to live in such a way as to "do unto others" as I would have them to do unto me. That ethical belief of mine is why I would never deliberately harm a woman, or force myself on her.


None of that is to say that I'm a perfect man. In moments of extreme stress, I have sometimes done things out of anger that I later regretted.


Nevertheless, I'm proud to say that my sins of minor violence have been minimal, compared with the sins committed by men who arrogantly believed that women were property with whom they were entitled to act abusively.

Dental Problems I've Had in Relation to Authenticity

The last time I met my father (before he died in 1999), I met him at my front door. He'd worn dentures as long as I'd known him, and he sometimes popped them out at the dinner table. But he looked normal most of the time.


Later, his alcohol problems had caused him to neglect his appearance. He'd already divorced my mother, and also his second wife. I think he may have realized that the chances that he'd ever get another woman were slim, in light of his drinking problems.


My own dental problems had nothing to do with drinking to excess, since I'd never even gotten drunk. However, I still had difficulty paying for dental services. Back in 2011, while staying at Dallas International Street Church in Texas (and sleeping on the floor of their sanctuary), I awoke to a very unpleasant sensation. It seems that my front tooth had rotted away and fallen out. I tasted blood, and found the tooth.


I'd still like to get dentures, hopefully dentures that are strongly secured. But I haven't done so, so far.


I'm reminded of a Christian folk singer (from the UK, I believe), named Garth Hewitt. Brits have a reputation for their own dental problems. So it's no surprise that Garth sang about such problems in a song entitled "Paint My Picture (Warts and All)".


Here is the YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCFTurnUZik


One of Garth's other contemporary Christian songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNh91SAbEfo

Love and My Bucket List

This post appears as Number 28 in a blog that already has 27 posts on it. But before you read the others --- if you read the others --- please read and carefully consider this one. I intend to create a QR code leading to this one, so that that code can be printed on a forthcoming EDDM mailing to be sent out.
　
A while back, I saw a movie entitled "The Bucket List", starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. There's a good summary of the plot of the movie on Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bucket_List), so I won't fully summarize it here for you.
　
In that movie, Edward Cole has the wealth to enable the two men to engage in a series of adventures that other men with less wealth could only dream about.


I, too, have a bucket list. Mine does not require that I take trips to exotic locations, so it's theoretically much less expensive --- and achievable even by a disabled man who relies on SSI benefits.


I could undoubtedly put a number of things I would like to do on that list --- and I've done so elsewhere. I've always been an ambitious man.


But time has a way of helping one to focus on things. If I had to list just a couple of goals that would complete me and make me feel as if my life had not been in vain, these are those things:


ONE

I want to publish my life's story, in the form of a book entitled "Losing It". The book is now up to 460 pages long (at last count), telling you that I've been writing it for quite some time. I recently paid Infinity Publishing, having finally come up with enough money for that purpose.

TWO

I want to experience sex with a reasonably attractive woman, for the first time in my life.


That undoubtedly sounds like a fantasy to anyone who knows that I'm now sixty years old, and that I have a mobility-related disability caused by four strokes.


The fact that I'm currently being treated for skin cancer does not help any, although I have reason to believe that the treatment with Mohs surgery will be completely successful.


Sex without love is not ideal, by any stretch. However, I've sometimes toyed with the idea of visiting a brothel because I've felt desperate. I emphasize the word "toyed" here. I AM still a virgin.


Candor about such things is a poor recipe for finding a woman inclined to offer actual love. But I've never been the kind of man who believed in deceit. If I ever do find a woman to whom I can get married, she needs to be one who can handle honesty, including honesty about my intense commitment to the goal of ending legal abortion.

　
AN IMPORTANT ADDITION: It's been said that everyone has some kind of "baggage" which is brought to a relationship. Often, that term is used to refer to previously married people who have become divorced, and who may still be angry at their ex-spouses. It's also used, some times, in reference to widows or widowers who are still grieving their deceased mates.
　
Having never been married, my own "baggage" has a totally different character. It wasn't as if I didn't WANT to get married. It just never worked out for me. Therefore, I almost certainly have some residual anger about the manner in which I was dumped. I don't pretend to have been perfect, but I think that the primary explanation was simply the fact that life had not been good to me in terms of such things as my income.
　
The existence of that residual anger, however, does NOT mean that I'm angry at ALL women. If indeed I were, I probably would not DESERVE a wife. As it is, I believe that I very much deserve to be married.
　
I try not to make promises lightly. This is one thing I can promise: I promise to any woman willing to love and cherish me that I will return that favor. I will never "cheat" on such a woman.
　
If you've read this blog post, and if you think that you can handle the things I've said about myself, please give me a call at 360-201-6473, or send me an e-mail at mark_w_pettigrew@hotmail.com. I would love to spend time getting to know you to learn more about you.
　
NOTE: I recently downloaded software for Skype, so you may see the Skype symbol next to my phone number here. Skype is great, as a means of saving money via VOiP, as long as you call other Skype users. But both of you have to have compatible headsets. I don't yet have such a headset. The phone number shown here is an inexpensive, prepaid cell phone from Net 10. Therefore, if you call me at that number, you will be charged for the call. Just to let you know.

The Conflict of Interest Dilemma

It's been said, regarding love and romance, that there are "plenty of fish in the sea". But fishing in rivers, lakes or oceans is a piece of cake, compared with the challenge of finding a mate.


One challenge pertains to the obvious fact that people are not always available, either because they're married or engaged, or even "steady dating" with other singles.


If that were the only potential problem that might arise, things would still be relatively easy.


Workplace romances are often frowned on by employers. The worry is that a couple will go through rough patches, getting angry at one another and therefore finding it difficult to work together for the good of the company.


However, workplace romance is not the only kind of relationship that's seen by some as undesirable. Another taboo is a love relationship with a person with whom one has a "professional relationship". This is the "conflict of interest bugaboo". Is that female case manager who you often see attractive to your eyes? Can you easily see her as a girlfriend or wife? Hold on, buddy. She may tell you, if you ask her out on a date, that it would be a "conflict of interest".


If one is disabled, this may be a very difficult hurdle to overcome --- because the vast majority of women in one's social circles are professional case managers, if one is in such a situation. To be blunt, it's very frustrating to be hindered by such things.


For example, I visited the dermatologist yesterday to get some biopsies and to have the stitches removed from my last skin cancer operation. There was a new medical assistant there, named Nicole. She was very attractive, with cute little curls in her hair. If I had a car of my own (which is another problem if one is poor and disabled), I might conceivably drive to Oak Harbor and meet her after she got off work, to enjoy dinner with her.


As it is, the chances of that ever happening are slim to none --- even if she has no boyfriend or husband.


Even more frustrating is the fact that when one is nearly sixty years old, it's almost impossible to find a single, available woman at all --- regardless of whether or not one has a professional relationship with her, and regardless of where she lives.

It's A Heart Thing

 

This is a particularly ornate graphic of the traditional "heart" well-known to recipients of Hallmark greeting cards for Valentines Day.

 

If one examines the reason for that particular graphic symbol, one discovers that it's meant to be a symbol of a human female vulva. It's absurd to say that it looks anything like an actual heart, which is basically an internal organ that's responsible for moving blood about in the body.

 

Sex is an intrinsic part of humanity, to the point that psychologist Abraham Maslow put it at the very bottom of his pyramid of human needs (along with basic biological functions like breathing, eating and defecating).

 

Without sex, the human species would have died out right after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden. It's disingenuous to suggest that sex has nothing to do with the existence of the Christian church, because there would be no one to fill church pews if there were no people on earth.

 

As important and elemental as sex is, it does not necessarily follow that all sexual acts involve the "heart" (a euphemism for the human soul). There lies the difference between wives and prostitutes.

 

A prostitute, like the legal whores at Nevada brothels like the Bunny Ranch, seldom if ever really loves her customers or clients. It's just a business for her.  A man who deludes himself into thinking that she will ever mourn his death when he dies is in for a load of heartache.

 

That doesn't mean that it is not understandable that a man might be willing to "settle" for sex that is devoid of real love. St. Paul said in I Corinthians 7 that marriage had been created so that men and women could experience "the joy of sex" (as author Alex Comfort called it) without committing the sin of fornication.

 

Too many churches regard it as unimportant to help single believers to find loving wives or husbands. They are more interested in "passing the buck" than in taking responsibility for their members. They are "guilt mongers".

 

If a Christian looks at pornography, he's in for a load of condemnation, even though the Bible says that Satan is the Accuser of the Brethren.

 

For any Christian who has sex outside of marriage, things are even worse. Nevertheless, Relevant Magazine recently published a survey showing that numerous young Christians were not waiting for marriage before having sex. If indeed fornication is an unforgiveable sin, there are huge numbers of Christians who will be burning in Hell.

 

Fortunately, salvation is not granted to people because they are perfectly pure. It is a GIFT, given to mankind on the basis of Jesus' atoning death on the cross of Calvary.